Realisations
by ssa123
Summary: Barba has a date. Liv doesn't like it.


Friends. That's all they were right? Then why did the word make her feel sick. The idea that that was all they were. The constant little touches, the late night case prep and the side bars. Had she imagined it all, maybe he wasn't willing to risk everything he had worked for, or maybe they really were just the best of friends after all he was on a date tonight with someone that wasn't her. She'd never even heard of him dating before until he told earlier that week that Rita was setting him up and if she were honest she had never disliked Rita more, not even when she represented Rudnick. Apparently she was a lawyer friend of hers, younger and beautiful probably everything he wanted and deserved. All she could do now was turn off her computer, go home to her son and wait for him to tell her all about it on Monday.

As she sat drinking her second glass of wine she wondered where all these jealous feelings were real coming from, she had never looked at him in that way before anyway. Had she? She knew he was an attractive man any woman could see that, she knew he was brilliant again it was clear as day for anyone to see. But then she also loved the way he smelled, his sharp breath before he laughed, the way he smirked but never really smiled except when around people he trusted and mostly the way his relationship with her son had blossomed. She knew then in that moment and she sat on her couch thinking about him like that, that she had spent the better part of three years thinking about him like that and had managed to convince herself that she didn't. After all she aways had been queen on denial, always hid behind a mask.

How was she supposed to face him now? What could she say to him when he told her all about how wonderful his date had been? Was she supposed ti keep on pretending, act like she was happy for exactly like she should be or could she tell him the truth. Tell him that she had realised she didn't want him dating anyone unless that someone was her. Her inner musings were interrupted by a knock at her door, she looked at her phone and saw it was past 10pm and wondered who it could be. Looking through the peep hole she saw and a very dapper looking Rafael Barba on the other side, just what she needed. What was it they said about the devil she thought to herself.

"Hey" she said as she opened the door

"Hi, I know its late I was just wondering if I could come in?"

She nodded, opening the door wider for him to walk past her, watching as he removed his outer coat immediately and took at seat where she had been seconds earlier.

"Can I get you a drink?"

He shook his head. He was being uncharacteristically quiet and it was worrying her.

"Everything ok?" She asked

"I had a date this evening"

"yeah?" She asked, trying to encourage him to continue

"Yeah, she was beautiful, funny, smart, passionate, Rita really outdid herself with her I'm telling you. She's younger than me too, who'd have thought a young successful beauty would want to date me" He said

Liv shifted uncomfortably next to him, she hadnt really prepared to hear all this tonight, she thought she had at least two days to practice how to deal with this, but hearing him talk about how wonderful and young and beautiful this woman was she couldn't help but think, rather self deprecatingly, what he would see in her. She was older than him, her days of being young and beautiful behind her, her job hardened her, ruined her ability to be funny and she came with a child. Why wouldn't he look elsewhere and find something better than she could ever be.

"Liv you with me?" She nodded at him "anyway as I was saying she was all these things but it one of the worst nights of my life, because the entire time I was there I kept wanting to be somewhere else. And that somewhere was here." He finished.

Liv looked at him, shocked he was crossing that line and actually saying something like that, why would he rather be here.

"What? Why? I'm not younger and funny and whatever else you said, you should have stayed the rest of the night with her. Maybe you just need to get used to her" He was shaking his head before she even finished.

"This isn't about familiarity Liv, I was sat across from this woman and realised I missed being sat across from you. I wanted to leave 10 minutes in but I'm too polite for that so we finished dinner and I came right here, because I realised this evening that this is the only place I want to be. You're not younger, but you're so beautiful Liv, in a way that astounds me everyday. It radiates from you, inside and out. You're everything that she was and more, and I want to spend my night with you not her."

"Rafa, I…. Im no good. Not for you, not even really for me. I'm damaged, by Lewis, the job. I don't want to bring you down with me. You've seen the way things always end with my relationships. I don't want to do that to us" she told him

"Ok, ok, if you can tell me that this hasn't crossed your mind, that you're not even slightly curious what it would be like to date me, kiss me, wake up with me then I will leave her right now and talk of this again. I wont hold it against you, things will go back to the way they've always been. If you can tell me honestly that its what you want"

He was looking at her expectantly and she was looking at her hand which were fidgeting in her lap, until his warm, tanned hand fell over them and forced her to look up. His face was so hopeful and he was looking at her with such adoration and respect that she just couldn't lie to him.

"I can't, I just can'e lie to you when you're looking at me like that. I have thought it about but Raf its just.."

She was cut off by the feel of his lips on hers, and she wasted no time in responding. She'd never felt so safe in a kiss, never had one with such passion and intimacy and this was only their first. He nipped her bottom lip a little before pulling back and smiling at her.

"Maybe it wont work out, but I'm gonna try like hell to make sure it does, you with me?"

SHe answered by pulling him into another kiss, this one better than the last.


End file.
